Friday, May 8, 2015

When Mother's Day is Hard...


To the childless on Mother’s day –

I get it. I do. Mother’s day isn’t easy when you don’t have a child to hold, or hug, or talk to, when more than anything, you want that. When you wish your night-time routine took two hours and involved bathing a little one, rubbing down tiny arms with lavender scented baby lotion, zipping up sweet PJ's and singing a lullaby, instead of a quick 10 minutes of washing your face, brushing your teeth and jumping under the covers. It's so hard to have that yearning, but not have something that so many other moms are experiencing - a child. And not having a child on Mother's day makes the second Sunday in May so much more difficult.

I don’t know your reason for not having a child with you on this day…

Maybe you have struggled with infertility and have yet to experience motherhood.

Maybe you have had a child who has passed away and won’t have a little (or big) one to hold onto. 

Maybe you don’t have a good relationship with your child, or maybe you have no relationship at all.

Maybe aren't holding that sweet baby because you selflessly chose adoption for your child, and made another mom’s dreams come true.

Whatever the reason, Mother’s day won’t be easy for you because it brings up pain, or longing, that is within you.

And I get it. I really do.

Because I was there once, too.

There was a time when I was SO ready to be a mom, but God said, “Not yet. Wait.” I had no idea what was in store, but He did! And can I just say, “Wow.”

His plan was better, greater, larger, and so much more desirable than anything I could have come up with on my own. But I’m no future teller. I sure didn’t know what was coming up for our family while I was waiting. All I knew was that I was still waiting to be a mom, and it stunk. I mean let’s be honest, who really enjoys waiting?

And let’s be a little more honest, when you’re waiting, do you really find comfort in the words “worth the wait”? Because I sure didn’t. I mean I knew it was true, but there’s no real comfort in that. It doesn’t change the fact that you’re still waiting. Yes, you completely understand that your child will be SO worth the wait, but just hearing those words doesn’t make waiting any easier. So for the waiting mom, I offer no words of comfort, since my words are probably meaningless to you. Instead, I offer my prayers for you- for you to have hope, for you to have peace, and for you to find joy in the everyday life while you wait. My words won’t comfort you, but His words will never disappoint.

“Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.”
Psalm 27:14

To the mom who’s child has passed away, I am broken for you. I hurt for you. I can’t imagine your pain, and I hope I never have to experience it myself. My words won’t heal your broken heart, but hopefully His words and His promises can bring you comfort.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”
Isaiah 43:2

To the mom who has a strained relationship with your child, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you don’t have the relationship you’d dreamed of. I don’t know what your circumstances are, but all you can control is your own words and actions and trust that you have done your part. God has promised that this life is not an easy one, and some have heavier burdens to bear than others. Find your strength in Him and Him alone.

“I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.”
Ephesians 3:16

To the mom who made an adoption plan for your child, you are my hero. Because of two very special birth moms like you, I personally get to celebrate this day as a mom. I know today is difficult for you, maybe more than you think you can bear, but be encouraged knowing that your child is so very loved! Because of your selfless and sacrificial decision, your child is loved by so many more people than most children will ever get to claim. Adoption is a gift. It's a gift that may simultaneously bring you joy and sorrow. My prayer for you is peace- peace that is found only in Him.

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world!"
John 16:33

So to all of those who are struggling on this Mother’s day, take comfort in knowing that only He can heal your brokenness. And He will! Maybe not in the way that you hope or plan for, but quite possibly in an even better way! Maybe He makes you a Mommy when that is your dream. Maybe He gives you strength when you couldn't do it on your own. Maybe he gives you the ability to minister to others in a way you never would have been able to, because of the unique experiences that you have been through. So take heart!

And though it may not be easy for you, make every effort to be happy and joyful for all those Moms out there who are celebrating Mother’s day without pain in their hearts. Remember that they might have been right where you are not all that long ago…




3 comments:

  1. Thanks for this post. It helped on a hard day.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for sharing these wise words. As a mom-to-be I am looking forward to the next Mother's Day and wish luck and love to all those women, who are yet to experience motherhood. Amen.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I stumble upon your blog, as I continue to find comfort in seeing others' adoption stories as I wait for God to continue to write ours. I have never read so much true. when you said there aren't words to comfort us who wait, bc of infertility, a failed adoption, but yet we hope. very beautifully written.

    Laura.

    ReplyDelete

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